Outside Looking In: A Wife's Perspective

Based on my experience of being married for almost four years, I would warn anyone in a relationship with a runner to strongly consider the commitment they are making.  A relationship with a runner is very different than any other relationship since your significant other has another flame in their life: running.  For those of you who are at the point of no return (like me), it's important to speak their running language, or at least know enough to pretend like you do.  

I really do love my runner husband (especially when he wakes up early to run and I get the bed all to myself), but if there's one thing I have learned in my almost two years of being married to him, it is that he loves to talk running.  It seems like any time he gets together with another fellow runner, I am subjected to a lot of runner talk and terminology.  I will share with you what some of these tricky words and phrases mean, to the best of my knowledge, so you can fit right in with your other half and all of their tiny short wearing, runner-talking friends. 

Farmer's blow: This is one of the first running words I learned, and it has a disgusting meaning.  It's against running rules to stop while you're running for a tissue, so instead you just cover one side of your nostril with your finger and blow snot out the other. I told you it was gross.  It's even grosser when your runner husband teaches you how to do it and it doesn't really work like it's supposed to the first time. 

Cool-Down:  After you've already run a marathon, which is 26.2 miles (are you impressed I know that?), or a race of any other distance, you have to run even farther, because obviously a marathon isn't enough for these people. If you don't do it, you're not "cool."

Drafting: This word means to run behind someone if it's windy so you don't mess up your hair.

Fartlek running: Fartlek running is when you run after eating a burrito (I actually don't know for sure what this word means, but I'm sure I guessed right).

Rabbit:  No, this person does not get to hop around the track like I originally thought.  A rabbit is actually the stupidest thing ever.  He just runs around the track and then stops before he's even tired, so he looks like a huge running wimp.  Also, never ask your husband who the "bunny" is in the race, because apparently they're not synonyms in this case. 

P.R.:  I have always wanted to go to P.R.  I've heard they have great food and beautiful beaches.  Plus, I do speak a little Spanish so I would fit right in.  Okay, fine.  P.R. in running talk means personal record, not Puerto Rico.  Like when you beat your race time by a millisecond and everyone is supposed to make a huge deal out of it. Warning: It can also be used as a verb, but sounds a little gross. So if someone tells you they P.R.d in the race today, don't give them a look of disgust from thinking about what may have happened earlier out on the race course.

Splits:  Take a lesson from my friend Kate, who was the track team manager in high school.  When your sweaty sweetie asks you to do the splits (or the track coach in her case), they want you to time their laps, not show off your gymnastic flexibility.  True story.   

So now you know enough to impress the object of your affection.  You might even be able to fit in with his friends a little better next time.  Just try this: "Wow, that split was a P.R. in the race today and you didn't even need a rabbit!  Does anyone want to draft me on the cool-down so I don't mess up my hair? Maybe we can even hit up Chipotle and then do some fartlek running!" 

Jenna Watley
The Fashionista Teacher

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